1.2 Pause & Reflect

We live in difficult and challenging times and the reasons for every person reading this book will be so varied, but the positive from the unhappiness that has brought you here, is that you have taken the decision to look beyond what life has taught you so far and see if there is another way to live. The first intentional pause today is to give yourself some praise for taking the leap and giving yourself our best chance of happiness. A prison cell with William Morris wallpaper and a crystal chandelier can make it seem bearable, but it is still a prison cell; you are willing to see beyond the illusion and that is more than most people ever consider doing. The second intentional pause is to put the emergency brake on this fast train of negative thinking and get off at the next station. Whether you are a victim of a traumatic event or at the mercy of your own negative thinking, Pause & Reflect aims to quieten the mind and make space for guidance to come through, your inner voice to come to the surface and redirection to occur.

Start your Day

Angel Prayers for a quiet mind

Building upon Angel prayer for connecting, you can now start asking for support and guidance on specific things. To help build this habit, you are going to start each day with an Angel prayer. All this means is that you are going to actively invite your Guardian Angel to help you with anything you need for the day ahead. When I was finding my job stressful, I would ask my Angel to come with me to work for guidance and support. Whenever I did not know what to do, an idea or clarity on my next steps would arrive swiftly. I also found it very comforting knowing someone always had my back, especially in times of loneliness and isolation. You can ask your Guardian Angel for any support that you need, but this prayer today is specifically for quietening the mind, slowing down your train of thought and allowing guidance to come through making it easier to assess your decisions.

‘Hello, My Guardian Angel’

‘I would like to invite you to come to work with me today’

‘To support me to put my needs first when I am struggling today’

‘Please guide me to take a step back and pause when something doesn’t feel right

And only make decisions for everyone’s highest good including myself’

Thankyou

Now take a few deep breaths, reset if you need to and start your day.

The 5 Min Worry Allowance - for any time you need it today

Worrying and overthinking are addictive and habit forming and something that becomes a comfort zone. Surely if you have thought of every possible catastrophe or scenario that could go wrong, are you fully prepared for any outcome? However, what starts out as an exercise in control over your situation quickly escalates beyond this point, until you are no longer in control. In extreme cases this may cause a person to stop leaving the home and living a full life. There is no point in telling someone with anxiety not to worry or stop thinking about things, but I also know it does not help to give these thoughts time to take root and grow.

I want you to have some short but effective exercises to use when you are having a difficult day. To add to the Angel Breath work for fear is the 5minute worry allowance. It is a method that allows you to acknowledge your anxiety and worries in a way that keeps you in control. Five minutes is plenty of time to list what is overwhelming you in that moment only, but not long enough for those feelings to escalate, therefore creating boundaries and with practice more self-discipline and control.

If you are someone whose thoughts and worries run away like a fast train on a downhill track, then this exercise will help you to reign them in, slow the train and give you some control back. Read through how to do the exercise before your day becomes busy, then it is ready to go in your mind when you need it.

You will need - A notebook or notepad on your phone, any clock/timer that you see can counting down the time.

The technique

If you find yourself suddenly feeling overwhelmed by your thoughts, feelings or the tasks you need to do today, Start the stopwatch on your phone or anything that counts down seconds and minutes that is available and write down/or speak into the microphone, what is on your mind right now.

This must be in list form only consisting of a few words per item, no long sentences. This will enable you to write quickly as it comes to you and keep to the points. Only write the list while the worries are flowing quickly.

There is no need to use the whole 5 minutes. It’s an allowance like pocket money; it is just there so that you know you have plenty of time if you need it. Try your best to exercise discipline and not spend all the time allowance.

Stop the clock and stop listing when the thoughts start to slow. Slowing down is your stopping point.

Release the list to your Guardian angel to take away from your mind using the Angel Breath work for fear until your heart rate slows down.

You may use the 5 min worry allowance as often as required throughout the day.

Example 5 min Worry List

• I am running out of time
• What if I am late
• I look ugly
• People will stare at me
• What if I can’t remember what to say
• I don’t think I am good enough
• I haven’t got anything to wear
• I need to go to mums as well
• What if she’s ill when I get there
• What if she needs the doctor
• How do I do that and go shopping
• What if she gets worse and must go to hospital
• I don’t think I should go to the interview
• It is best if I stay home
• I think I will cancel

If you think that 5 Minutes is not enough time, the above example was taken from the list of a friend that I was helping with anxiety. It took her just 45 seconds to write as her fears were arriving at speed. After 45 seconds she began to slow down. I had instructed her to stop at the slowing point. The writing slowed because she was now beginning to move beyond the initial worry which was ‘running out of time’ and reaching for new unrelated thoughts to come in and add on.

Watch point

These exercises are very effective if you do them regularly. Although I have provided clear instructions, it is ok to change the wording in a prayer or how you approach journalling your worries that works for you and your situation. Never worry about getting it wrong. The angel prayers and 5 min worry allowance are both designed to provide a feeling of support and that you are taking some control back over your life.

Learning tip

The list and the breath work combined should only take a few minutes. The more you do it the quicker you can grab onto to the first signs you are beginning to panic or worry and deal with it before it gets a foot in the door. This exercise is about acknowledging the fear, listing it to place it somewhere other than your mind and releasing it quickly.

Optional add on for self-assessment

If you feel able to, please take note of the time you stopped the clock e.g. 60 secs, 2mins 5 secs etc. and anything that you can remember preceding the anxiety e.g. Time of day, tired or alert, a phone call, thinking about an upcoming event or even bumping into someone you haven’t seen for a while.

What feedback can the worry list give you?

• If you perform the exercise several times, does the list repeat itself or is it random?
• Does it get shorter or longer?
• Does the day get better or worse?
• Does time of day affect you?
• When you look at the first thing on your list, can you see a pattern of triggers that you can potentially plan and prepare for?

Don’t worry if you can’t do this, or you are not sure how to deal with them at this stage, it can be quite illuminating to look at the whole days worry lists and see patterns and triggers. This is a way that you can feel less helpless and more proactive about dealing with anxiety and beginning to investigate the root of your feelings yourself, giving you some power back over the situation.

Motivational Moment

Reducing the time allowance each time is a mini goal that you can work towards. At the end of the month, add up all the time you have earned back and treat yourself to that time spent doing something nice for yourself e.g. cinema, a coffee with friends a spa day or a lazy day on the sofa with a good book? Enjoy it; you earned it!

Daytime

Practice taking an intentional pause

I would like you to spend today practicing stepping back from a problem that you have or give yourself permission to take time to think before you agree to something and slow down your mind from racing ahead. Everyone has a different set of circumstances but to give you an example from my life, I had a fear of letting people down at home and at work and at home. I would worry that people may think I didn’t care if I said no to that extra shift at work or doing a task by myself that was really too much for one person, when I should have asked for help or said no. I thought It was selfish to think about what I wanted and put my needs first as a caregiver at work and at home. I knew I needed courage to say no and ask for help more often. Does this sound like you? I found that when I connected with my guardian angel at the start of my day, the intention of the prayer would be set in my mind and affirm I was always supported. I would say it to myself throughout the day as a reminder that I wasn’t being selfish, because the habit of people pleasing is very hard to break. If I wasn’t sure what to do or say, I found it was best to do nothing. If you find yourself in a situation today where you feel pressured either by others or your own mind, I would like you to make any excuse to leave the room or end that phone call and take a quick break from the situation. Delay a task or give an answer to allow yourself time to think where your decisions are coming from? Say the prayer and if you start to feel anxious, quickly list your fears to clear your mind, take a deep breath, and think again about what you really want to do or say. It takes a lot of effort to slow down your responses and think about your decision making. The more practice you put in, the easier it becomes, the more perspective you will gain, and the healthier it will feel.

Watch point

You may find people’s responses to you change as you start to take a step back. They may seem negative which may make you feel you need to revert to people pleasing but stay strong. Remember that the people who care about you won’t have a problem with your new approach, and those that do have problem, will be thinking about how it affects them more than you. People are not always intentionally selfish, but it is their responsibility to find out where their own fear responses are coming from and not yours! Within the umbrella of transformation, you will be delving deeper into triggers and patterns of behaviour but for now you are just acknowledging things need to change, slowing things down and making some space in your mind for this to happen.

End your day

What does happiness mean to you?

I would like you to take a moment to write down or just think about what you think is making you unhappy and what you need in your life to become happy? If you do not know then say to yourself ‘I do not know what I need to become happy’ and do not feel bad about this or envy the person who never doubts what they need, ‘I don’t know’ is the most honest and open answer you can give. Remember openness allows for infinite possibilities, and you have more chance of achieving happiness with infinite possibilities than someone with a clear fixed idea. I know which odds I would prefer?

A visualisation to help you think about happiness

We do not all have the privilege of time or the financial means to create distance from our problems, but the power of your imagination and connection to the universe can take you anywhere that you want to go at any time. This guided visualisation invites you to imagine a peaceful desert island where physical limits and daily stresses vanish, replaced by tranquility, safety, and abundance. It encourages reflection on feelings of happiness, desires to stay or leave, and what you value or wish to bring to this serene place?

Let’s begin!

Close your eyes.

Without a second going by in thought you can feel warm sand between your toes.

You are aware there is no longer the sound of hustle and bustle from the people on the street outside, or traffic going by. All you can hear is the gentle rhythmic sound of waves rolling back and forth.

There is a warm breeze on your face.

In this place within the conscious mind, you can open your eyes and look around, and what you see takes your breath away. You stand in awe of the unspoilt white sand and endless turquoise ocean.

To your left there are clusters of palm trees swaying in the breeze and the distant sounds of tropical birds.

Under the trees, there is a strong shelter already built if you need it.

You know that although you are completely alone, you are very safe here.

In this place, there are none of the everyday worries that you once had. No bills to pay, jobs to go to, career ladders to climb, no family or friends to ask you questions, no expectations or responsibilities, no mirrors to check how you look, television or social media.

Everything that you need to survive is all around you.

You do not feel hungry or thirsty, but there are plentiful fruits and fresh fish if you want them.

There is no one to witness you succeed or fail except for yourself

Time has no meaning and days roll by with endless blue skies and peace.

Relax and stay in this moment for as long as you can, take some deep breaths to release your worries and when you are ready, ask yourself some questions:

• What do you like most about this place?
• How do you feel about being here alone? Is it exactly what you need right now, or do you feel lonely?
• Would you like to stay here or go back?
• If you could stay here but bring anything or anyone to your island, what would it be and why?
• Does this place feel peaceful to you? What makes it feel so peaceful?
• Who or what are you happy to leave behind?
• Do you think a place like this would allow you space to think clearly about what you want?

Take some time to think about these questions; they may bring some clarity about the source of some of the negative feelings towards yourself and your life. Is it possible that if you could change your reality to a more peaceful one, you could feel more positive towards yourself and give life a second chance? Do this visualisation anytime you feel crowded either by people, a situation or just your own thoughts, and visit this peaceful space that is always available to you and clear your mind.

Learning tip

You may find it helpful to record yourself reading the visualisation through. Read it slowly and clearly pausing to give yourself time to think about the questions. Play the recording back to yourself, close your eyes, and listen. If it feels weird listening to your own voice, try not to let this stop you. Who better to ask you about your own happiness than yourself?

Today’s Spiritual goals

• Learn to press pause, stop and change direction when something doesn’t feel right
• Understand the importance of moving away from obsessive thinking to gain perspective on your situation and giving yourself permission to do this
• Explore what you think happiness is?
• Changing your focus & reality - Peace before Happiness?

Peace before happiness

Happiness is the holy grail that we all seek, and most fail to find. The reason that we fail is because happiness is a temporary emotion that can only exist if the conditions that we have decided it needs to thrive are maintained. Much like a bird in a cage, happiness will fade and die if it is not fed, given light and oxygen to sustain it. The holy grail maybe the perfect job, an ideal partner and loving relationship, the home you always wanted or less pain and suffering for yourself or the wider world. By default, the moment you give anything a label, even happiness it will come with an expectation of how it should look and feel and how it can be achieved. Parameters are set that need to be maintained, and an outcome is automatically attached to it. Human beings and the world in general are very unpredictable beasts, and this throws up uncertainty, and we all know this. Deep down every person has a worry that even if they achieve ‘the illusive’ happiness, will it last? Will the person I love stay and grow old with me, will the company I work for prosper or go out of business, will I be replaced by someone younger; will my family and I always have good health or you may be feeling dejected because you are not moving any closer to your idea of happiness, but have you considered that the answer may be to stop chasing happiness and instead change the goal to finding peace within first and experience happiness growing organically as a byproduct from this and finding you? My personal journey of self-discovery has shown me how to find peace through reconnecting and remembering my divine self-first and everything else is second to this. Of course, there are things that bring me joy and happiness like everyone else, but these add to my happiness rather than make me happy and that is the difference!

“Oneness is having everything taken away, yet knowing you still have everything”

How do you feel at the end of pause & reflect? Are you beginning to question what you think happiness is and what could make you happy? In the beginning of a healing journey and spiritual awakening, it can become very confusing as you deconstruct your life. You will be asked to reevaluate everything you know to be true, and, in its place, you may be left with more questions. If at any point you feel uncertain about what your new future may look like if you choose to embrace a complete redirection, the one thing you do know for sure is that nothing in the past has made you happy today, but your future is not fixed, and anything not fixed in place can be moved, and movement creates change, so is a past fixed in memory really worth holding onto? All these lessons are aimed at bringing out your potential and any time you question anything, even guidance it is expansion and the first steps of you beginning not to accept the status quo, it is time to detach yourself from the matrix!

Summary

• Stopping or just taking a moment to pause and reflect on whether there is a different way to live your life is one of the hardest things to do. Give yourself credit for allowing change to occur
• Taking a step back from your problems can give you better clarity - allow yourself time to do this!
• People who care about you will support your choices
• Are you allowing external factors to affect you internally?
• Is it time to reassess what you think will make you happy and move towards peace instead?
• Your second tool kit contains - Angel prayer for a quiet mind, 5min worry allowance and a guided visualisation for thinking about happiness

Hero Moment

There is a deeper part of you that knows what is best for you in every area of your life, but it has been drowned about by the dominant voice of your fears for a long time. It is true that your fears have been keeping you safe but also preventing you from exploring and growing. It takes a lot of courage to leave this comfort zone. Today you started the process of making a space for the quiet, calm voice of your soul to be felt and heard. Stay within Pause & Reflect and repeat the exercises as often as needed. Move on to motivate & Anchor only when you feel ready.